Friday, June 28, 2013

Still in need of slowing down

My head is in a blender, my heart is not rested. I saw my psychiatrist today and realized that I do need my medication, but I need to be consistent on the brand. Who knew generic brands had such varying side effects? I tried my best to squeeze in as much as I could on my day off. The sad thing is that I would rather not leave my house or do anything but things I like and that's not life.

Life is not about getting what you want when you want it, and the people who I most admire have dealt with what life has given them and remained who they are. I am not sure that is what I've done. I used to be the type of person who could deal with whatever life threw at me and now I can't even deal when I don't get what I want. Who does that?

I hate to be demanding on my own life because I've actually gotten what I want out of my life despite it not being how I wanted to get it. Well, I am not a go-getter but I managed to get things that work for me without the huge efforts that some might put into it. School came easy, work came easy. Aside from that, everything else is not so easy. Dealing with people - friends, family, strangers, it's a struggle.

Without my generic meds, I have been sleeping okay - but sometimes thoughts weigh too heavily and I need an outlet. I guess this is it and I don't really want to share it with anyone I know. It is personal and it is painful and I don't want to share it with people close to me. Anonymity is nice, but no one is truly alone or unknown, right?